Rashes to Rashes

I am writing this post with my face afire. No, I am not a burn victim (although I look like one after a lip/eyebrow wax). I am an unfortunate Tide with Bleach Alternative customer. A FORMER customer.

It all started one day at Bed Bath & Beyond (or as my stepdad calls it, Bed Bath & Double-talk). Anyway, I was there because my housekeeper gave me a list of things to buy her. The first thing on the list was 'new mop head' (mop smells). She actually wrote out 'mop smells' parenthetically!! When your housekeeper starts using parentheses and the word 'smells' in the same line, you know you're in trouble.

I decided to go all out and buy a new mop, bucket, broom, dustpan (I loved being dustpan in camp--not a hard job and a good shower number). I even bought a dustbuster. What the hell, I had about 45 minutes to kill before my movie started (Capote--amazing) so I had a little shopping spree. When you're in Bed Bath & Beyond, you suddenly BELIEVE you need EVERYTHING in the store. Its dangerous I tell ya. Cause the next thing I reached for was the TIDE WITH BLEACH ALTERNATIVE ....Dun dun dun. Never mind that I had just bought a big 'Tide Free' from associated for $18.99 (is that expensive?). Doesn't matter because I am standing there thinking 'Bleach Alternative, GREAT'. Like I even know what that means!! I finish my shopping, 157 dollars later and I am watching Capote and I don't give the detergent a second thought.



Until...Friday night. I am at OZ. Rabbi Schwartz is totally violating the HIPPA rights of a 10 yr old girl who is sick, saying her name and giving details of her decline. He is also admittingly violating halacha by calling for a special mishabarach and tehilim on Friday night. I am starting to itch. I look down at my chest I am broken out in hives. I am upset by the speech but this is crazy. Could it be the detergent?

I show off my chest rash at Shabbos lunch. I postulate that it could be related to detergent. People are bored. I talk up my blog.

On Sunday I go to the museum with my family. My mom says my cheeks are pink and is that sun-poisoning on my chest? No Mom I think its from detergent! 'Well you should be careful, wash all your things' 'OK Mom, thanks!'

Except....I ignore Mom. And then I wake up Monday morning with a red face. And it hurts. It tingles. It burns. It itches. I am aware of my face every second. I'm scared--my beautiful face!! Must get to doctor.

My Doctor is not around so I see someone else. He is about 85. An octagerian...Great. He is so sweet. He prescribes Cutivate lotion. He says I will be better in 1-2 days. Thanks Doc!

Except....I am getting worse. Much worse. I cry myself to sleep. Seriously.

So I go to the doctor again today. ANOTHER doctor. And I wait over an hour in the waiting room. And I am crying. Hysterically. I nice couple sit down across from me but get up and MOVE once they realize I am having a breakdown. Thanks for the compassion guys!!

I am finally taken in to the exam room. I have to control myself so hard just to explain to the Fellow what is going on with me. She gets the doctor. He says he would have given me the same lotion because it is good for rashes and doesn't cause acne. Thank god because by now I was SURE my octagerian was senile and poisoned me. Pfew! But, he says, it can cause stinging. I think that is the understatement of the year, but no matter good doctor, CURE ME!!

He sends the Fellow to get me samples of very soothing cream. He tells me to rub in the new cream. Relief!! THANK YOU. He says I will be all better by Monday. Dr. Lebwohl--YOU ARE A GENIUS.

I am still recovering so if you see me...I will be the one with the red cheeks :)



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