SQUARE OR ROUND?

Nail salons are strange places, I tell ya. They have their own language and MO. It is nuts. How is it possible that no matter what nail place you go to, the same exact things always happen?

First you walk in and are greeted with a BIG hello. And I mean BIG. I'm talking a 'welcome home from war, I haven't seen you in a year' type of hello. I don't even know these people! Why are they so happy to see me? It would make sense if they were just happy in general but they seem to just bark at each other, so no that can't be it. Are they being fake? Maybe...But I guess wanting my nails to be colored pink is kind of fake too so maybe they are on to something.

Well before you can even return the hello, they are already screaming at you 'Pick Color!!!' Although it sounds like 'Pi Kullah!!!' So you pick a color. Then you might ask 'How long is the wait?' Answer '5, 10 mina'. Always. Even if there are 17 people ahead of me, always 5 or 10 minutes?? How could this be??

Once you finally sit down, the nail artist looks at your nails with disgust and asks 'Squa O roun?' (Square or Round?) To which I find myself replying 'Squa' as if I speak English with a Korean accent!! Crazy!! What is wrong with me? Does she realize what I just did? Is that what the dirty look is for? Help......

The next question you are asked is 'ca cuicule, pooo baaah?' (cut cuticles or push them back?) Answer 'pooo back'. Damn I did it again. But seriously, why would I want you cutting my cuticles so you can make them bleed with that nasty tweezer you are using? The one that has been used on thousands of others? And what is the deal with those sanitized boxes with the UV rays inside? Does that really clean anything....I'm so confused....What ever happended to rubbing alcohol? Do they really think WE think that cleans things?? I mean, if we both know it does nothing, what is the point? The charade is up people!

Then they look at you in the eye and say 'pay now' (this they have no problem pronouncing). So you take out your money and give them a tip, which is crazy because they haven't even polished your nails yet so how can you really tip them? What other profession gets tipped in the MIDDLE of the job? After this transaction is over, I always want to run to the sink and wash my hands and have her wash her hands cause we just both touched money and what could be more dirty than that? But of course that never happens and I vow to disinfect my hands/nails when I get home, thereby defeating the purpose of the manicure.

We are finally done and I am taken to the drying section. Now this is the best part because since the nails are wet, I can't touch anything, so this poor woman is now carrying around my coat and bag like she is my slave or something.....I feel bad but I kind of like it and really what could I do?? I don't want to anger her and ruin my nails...So I'm sitting there at the drying station but I refuse to put my hands in the dryer because it is so gross, so many other people's dirty hands have been there, and I doubt they ever clean that thing, because how could they fit it in the UV-Ray sanitizer bin? So I am sitting there with my hands in my lap and getting strange looks all around.

Some salons have small wrapped candies next to the dryers which is so evil because my nails are WET, how will I unwrap those? I consider asking one of nail ladies for help but I don't think feeding me is in their contract, so I sit and stare at the little candies in the dish. But I really want one so I take one and now I chipped a nail, what is wrong with me, I just spent half an hour getting this done and I blew it on a candy?? Sigh. I'm feeling bad but then I look up and see this Korean man standing there, he is counting the money in the register and yelling at the head Nail Lady. Is that her husband? Is he the Pimp Daddy and she is like the Den Mother? It is so bizarre and scary...

Well its time for me to go, I put on my coat, pick up my bag, chip another nail, and walk home with my hands out to the side as not to dent my other nails. As I'm leaving, about 40 people shout 'GOODBYE!!!!' As if I am going off to war again! They are so freakin' loud with their goodbye they scare the crap out of me! I gotta get out of there, the Pimp Daddy is giving me a dirty look as he looks up from his money counting. He's also pissed at the Den Mother for losing concentration by saying goodbye to me, damn.

Wasn't this supposed to be relaxing because I almost had a nervous breakdown in there! In any event....I will definitely see you soon my Korean ladies--save a spot for me at your little tables!!

A